words

I’m passing
through the days
like yesterday’s newspaper
quickly and without interest
taking note
of all the things
I should have done
***************
wants
needs
lies
actions
feelings
are all like
raindrops on a
window
separate at the point of impact
but eventually run altogether
or maybe
better like the snowflakes
falling in my present background
each one is
individual, distinctive
but they all
look the same
from afar

and like snowflakes
when I go
to catch them
in my hand
to better understand
I’m left with
a puddle of water
and my inherent confusion

I’m beginning
to despair
ever getting it right.

I’m beginning
to despise
the snow.

instead of these infantile words
to go with my infantile emotions
that would be better served
with my ire.
**************************
Could you
keep firmly in mind
that I told you
from the beginning
that I wasn’t worth it?
Cause this house
of cards
we’re building
is bound to collapse
from our sighs
(yours long suffering, mine in resignation)
I’d like to save you
from as much debris
as I can

Believe it or not
I grow tired
of the hurt
I leave behind
in my wake
that easily
could be avoided
if my warnings
had been heeded.

I’d spare you
all that my acquaintance
brings
if I thought
I could.

So
when you’re cursing me
for a liar
or a cheat
or whatever you think fits
just remember
who swore it first.