stream of consciousness...

got all sorts of things floating around inside my head; like time, and mirrors, self perception, duty, love, living, choices, and million other things all amounting to nothing. Just chasing around and around, feeding my restlessness. Thinking to no conclusion is a pain in my ass. If you are waiting for things to settle down so you can breathe you are going to die of suffocation. What you see in the mirror is the biggest delusion of them all. Analyzing yourself is like using a magnifying glass to fry ants: so much power for such a little cause. By swearing to tell the truth you have already begun to lie. Duty and honor are words lost to a lexicon of yuppie's children. How scary is that? Yuppie's children. Though I am a self proclaimed YIT (yuppie-in-training) I know I will never make it, I am just too too. I can't say that fact saddens me. Everyone needs to be loved, but I don't believe a word you say. I wonder if I ever have? and if I did, when did I lose that? Choices. Choices fascinate me, choosing not to choose is still a choice. You can't get much more circular than that.

I've found all the missing volumes of my work in high school, so I'll be interspersing old work with new, an exciting look into my head as a teenager. I sadly, don't think I have changed much.

Forgive me
if I falter,
but your brilliance
blinds me
and I find myself
shrinking from the light
like I don't deserve
your smile.
If I was half
the person
you say I am
There would be no need
to save me,
so think of
your contradictions
the next time
you hold out your hand.
Who is grasping for whom?

and since I've been talking about Ireland a lot I'll throw in one from my work there.

Transatlantic call

The minutes are
ticking by
and alcohol
won't work tonight,
cause I can't
fool myself
into thinking
I want anything
but you.

The phone just
serves to remind
me of the miles
that span
and it's
only your voice
near to me
tonight.

I'm looking in
on a room full
of people
beckoning me;
with my back
to the ocean
that leads
to you

They don't know
that their pull
is nothing
compared to yours

or that I'm
gripping the phone
so tight
my ear is red
and my fingers white
in an effort
to feel
anything but
alone.