one year for every hour in a day

mother nature at least agrees with me. overcast and raining. just this side of cold, able to wear shorts and a t-shirt without shivering. even the birds have mostly shut the fuck up. now, if the sun never makes an appearance it will be the perfect day. one made to spend in bed. or drinking. maybe I'll do both. they say don't smoke in bed, nothing about drinking.

and damn him for making me remember. even if it was sweet. I was happy to forget.

I'm thoroughly amused by one person's childish perdictability. on this day it feels good to wish them hopes of growing up. even though I know it will never happen. at least I'll always be light years ahead.

odd rough rough draft.

I wonder


Are my intentions
written clearly
on my face?

am I as
out of control
as I feel?

Do you know
how hard
I'm trying
not
to run my hands
up
your thighs?

despite
knowing,
I'm just an
accessable replacement
for someone
you know
you can't
have.

despite
knowing,
I have no
capability
of letting myself
love someone
anyway.

so far,
those
compelling reasons
haven't kept
my eyes from tracing
the contours
of your body,
or my hands from twitching
wanting to follow,

constantly
asking myself
what if?

chromosomes

such contempt for the xx pairing. in the future save someone a lot of heartache. just fucking adopt if the y is so important to you. don't get married. and spend your time in the locker room. then you won't ever have to deal with such unpleasantness ever again.

god, your mother would be so disappointed in you.

I have never been so happy to not have a penis in all my life.