randon ditty

We've been
ending our nights
in paper cups
filled with
strawberry wine

I've spent
all summer
trying to pick
a cherry
from your bush

trying to avoid
the pricks and pokes
nature seems
destined
to put in my way

I just know
it'll be that much sweeter
for the struggle
when I do.


*****
and yes cherries do grow on bushes, nanking bushes to be exact. heh.
http://www.almanac.com/garden/01.summer/nankingcherry.html

Krista

I'm weighted
down
leaden
with the
ways of the world

Today
someone's life
ended before
it began

And you've
become a
cavern
sucked dry
past tense
usefulness

Stripped bare
you're burning
bridges
left and right
trying to become
who you are
alone

It's never wise
to start sculpting
a second
when you
haven't even
finished the first

I understand
choices and
consequences
but that doesn't
stop me from
sleeping the whole day
through

Knowing I can't
be there
for you.

there are no choices

Slowly
pull by pull
I'm being dragged
towards the truth
by this
chain
tied to my heart
tied to my
very soul
And with each
tug
It becomes harder
to rationalize
to explain
to even understand
these feelings
And I wonder
if the rut marks
my heels make
are trying to
convince
me or them
of my reluctance.

dreams

I can no longer
remember
what it is
I feared so much
but I am always
awakened
by the cold sweats,
pounding heart,
and gasping breath
that tells me
I'm still running.

accountable

The world
has its
revolutions
and my head
is spinning
and all
the things I need to say
are not coming
and all
the things I want to write
never cross my mind
and I find
that the world has it easy
cause it owes
no one
any declarations
or expectations
or god forbid
any explanations
but I do.

again

I want to tell her
that I have no words.
There are no words
that can change anything.

I want to tell her
that my lack of speech
is because I know
platitudes fall on deaf ears
and that I am torn apart
inside
too.

I want to teach
her to speak
without words
with her body
I want to ask her
with my own
let me heal you,
heal myself
tonight.

I have no spoken words.

still waters...

Under this calm veneer
is a living breathing need
Would you be surprised
to know that
I would mark you
with my lips and teeth
I would taste you
with my tongue
I would hold you
through the night
within my arms
I would watch you
ride me
with your legs
wrapped round my waist
I would touch you
just to connect
just because I could
just to feel you

the woulds are driving me crazy
under this calm veneer.

underwear

Clothed
in the skin
of leopard
I bet she stalks
her prey

How I'd like
to let her know
I'd play dead
for her.

cheers

I have a promise to keep to my friend Bernie. It's St. Patrick's Day so...

I raise my glass to you and hope you're raising one to me as well in a pub by the quay. I know Ireland is treating you right.

To itsy, the road is long, the path is dark, but a little rum will guide our way. Thanks for walking with me as long as you could.

To megan, a bottle of red, a bottle of white, double shots of vodka, and gin. The only person in this world that can match me drink for drink. You're a wonderful friend, red.

To tory, I hope you've found what you were looking for, a pint to you for old time's sake. I know you hate to drink alone.

A toast to the lot of ya:

Health and life to you;
The mate of your choice to you;
Land without rent to you,
And death in Eirinn.

choices

I woke up this morning all cut to hell, like all the crap I never deal with during the day attacks me in my dreams. Making me fight till I bleed. I don't remember much of the night before, I've got the highlights but I don't know where I got all my injuries, or why I dreamt the things I did.

I find this increasing more and more. I'm convinced I'm just looking for all the ways to fuck up my life. Given any given choice I'm going to choose wrong. Like I finally believe it's too late. Yeah very early in my life it was too late.

I went to a party full of people I barely knew, I think I was the youngest person there. I sat in a corner with my humongous bottle of cheap wine, just drinking and thinking. Until I didn't have to worry any more about the constant doubts that whisper in my ear. I was listening to Ernst and Julio Gallo and laughter all around me. Until I could live up to my reputation. "Oh you're so much more fun when you drink!!" this is a compliment paid to me more times than I like to acknowledge. What exactly does that say about me? But I don't have to think about that cause my bottle is empty and it's time to move on.

And I laugh, and talk, and entertain until these people are in stitches. I'm sure I see the pity in their eyes despite how great I am, but I don't have to be what they see. I don't have to be a direct reflection. Cause I'm so much more fun when I drink and I've got a bottle of wine and three beers coursing through me.

I went to bed disgusted with myself and woke up bruised, bloody, and cut.

time

I would have thought a year would be long enough. Long enough to get over you. But time is proving itself to be relative. Because three years was a long time to love you and on days like to today it doesn't seem long enough. I've figured out the solution though, I'll be fine if I never have to see you again.

All you had to do was walk in the room and I remembered. The half smile you'd get when you were happy and the way your eyes shone when you looked at me. The way you felt in my lap when I'd hold you. The way my hand fit perfectly splayed across your stomach. The way I was never quite warm enough unless you were touching me. The way you look in boxers. Thousands of little things locked away, seemingly forgotten. Little inconsequential things.

I had been lucky to forget just how easy and how much you could hurt me. You'll be honored to know I've never met anyone who could hurt me quite the way you do. Let it never be said you aren't talented. Just the sound of your voice was cutting.

I'll be honest. I couldn't look at you, or even acknowledge that you were there. But can you blame me? Yes I'm sure you did. I could tell by the sound of your voice, by your dismissal of my existence in return. But I could feel your eyes on me, aimed straight at my back; making sure to let me know just how happy you are, now. With him.

Yeah, a year definitely isn't long enough. Say hello to Mike for me won't you?

birth

and another blurty's born.