cuspy

here's where being half gemini kicks my ass.

I love my best friend. he's a wonderful man. and he's had to work really hard to get that way, past obstacles that put lesser men under. And for all intents and purposes he is considered a part of my family. though never by me. our relationship is too complicated to be put safely in a labeled category.

My father is sick. And soon will be going in to have some massive surgery. The closest sister and her husband are two hours away. and me and my other sister and her husband are on the other side of the continent So while my dad can't do anything, it's a bitch for her and her husband to make the trek every weekend to take care of things. Not that that is a complaint of theirs. but logistically if something needs to be done on a daily basis, or an emergency happens, they aren't going to be much help. So boo calls my mother up at work and says 'hey if the driveway needs shoveling, or whatever. the girls need a ride from the airport when they come in. anything. call and let me know.' That's an incredibly sweet thing right?

So why is my first instinct to be wicked annoyed? And want to tell him to back off?

Because I'm fucking insane.

And I hate information I can't control.

I claim no responsibility for the words that follow...

so here's the thing. I don't like drugs that aren't recreational. For a lot of different reasons. A big one being if I'm gonna fuck with my mind and body it sure as hell is going to be for something more fun than a fucking tylenol. So I live an over the counter drugstore free life. Or at least I try really hard. I admit, sometimes I cave to people nagging me and I'm not an idiot, if a doctor prescribes something I take it. Usually.

what's that? what's my point you say? well I'll tell you. I've been sick. This in itself is an unusual thing for me. So much so that I've had to listen to people be all shocked and weirded out about it. "what? you're sick? man, that's just weird." Now there is an inherent trait that is genetically encoded into each member of my family, I think it stems from my mother's side, wherein we worry. About the strangest things. So my sister is always convinced I am dying. Maybe because I was all sorts of fucked up as a youngin, but that's an entirely different pity me story. She made up her mind that she was trucking the 8 blocks to walgreens and getting me medication. Long story short (too late!) ((+5 points to your 'I like you' column if you can name the movie reference)) I've been cracked out of my mind for far too many days.

I hate the way this shit makes me feel. I become extremely disassociated. I don't mean groggy. I mean sociopathic disassociated. Like you know you're stabbing someone 44 times but you can't make the connection that that's a bad thing. So besides freaking out the nice people letting me live with them, I am seriously beginning to doubt my ability to function in normal society.

On the plus side I think things like this and am actually inclined to share them:

Have you ever read a toothpaste tube? Am I the only one just a tad freaked out by the dire warning: If you swallow more than the amount recommended for brushing (roughly pea size) you should get medical help or contact Poison Control immediately. And beyond that. Has anyone ever tried to kill someone with an overdose of toothpaste? I want to see a murder mystery surrounding that MO. Or a comedy of suicidal errors ala the beginning of Better off Dead.

this is me on no fun drugs. Someday I'll do an entry on fun ones. Sadly there might not be a difference.

click click

There are lots of things I could be saying. some good, some bad, some I'd like to keep lying to myself about. so words are not where I am at. Instead, I'll direct you to a few places that have been occupying my attention for one reason or another.


not for jackasses

hidden watson

fandom

geeky

grim reaper