duty and guilt

Jenn is moving to Vegas. She wants me to go with her. Her lease is up in June so she's decided she is going to spend the summer with me, if I'm still here, and convince me to go with her. I'm thinking of letting her convince me.

But man, Kathy and Lola* loose in Vegas? That is such a bad idea. God knows I love her, I really do, but I would want to kill her after not too long. She's just too much and I'm not, at least not in that way. I'm the queen of melodrama, I'll admit it. But Jenn is the epitome of drama, she exhales it like carbon dioxide, suffocating everything within a five foot radius. She's loud and unapologetic, she makes the worst decisions on who to sleep with, and I'm forever picking up the pieces. I'm not painting a very lovely picture of her, but all the things I have mentioned are all reasons why I do love her. And she for some reason has stuck to me for three years despite our mutual bad decisions in the friend department, probably because she's just as fucked in the head as I am.

and matt is pressuring me to move to san francisco. all the time. right now even as I type he is mapping out how I can make the move and afford my bills and live in the mission. *sigh*

So really the problem is, why does everyone else see merit in my future and I don't? All the answers to that question I really don't like.

*kathy and lola are alter egos.


Anonymous said...

Go with what you want to do! Find you, where do you want to be? You are a wonderful person, and maybe we all see that even when you seem to be in the dark over it. You have the abitlity and talent to go far, but you need to believe that, so take the time and look within yourself and find the that part of you! Good luck...don't worry, you will do what is right for you! Through it all, regradless of your decisions we will all still believe in you.

Anonymous said...

yep, what she said