things on my mind

what is the difference between cute and beautiful? what bridges the distance? what makes you define one way or the other? aesthetics? subjectivity? rules? how do you peel that label off your being? how do you affix the one you want?

how often do you realize that labels affect? I think we forget who is listening. I know I do.

It is amazing the degree of wanting that comes from letting yourself experience something. If you close yourself off, you still want it. But it is a manageable thing. A passing irritant. But once you break down, that's all there is. wanting. Is the problem that you broke down? Or that you purposely avoided it?

How do you reconcile fear that has been a foundation of your person since you were old enough to understand who you were, and what you were becoming? I don't know how to trust enough to open the avenue that things might not be ok.

As wrong as it sounds, I wish I could play god sometimes. Wish I could control things like the world was a whiteboard. Wish I could wipe people away with a paper towel. As if I know best. Because in this case, I do, and nothing you can say will convince me otherwise.

I want a day where there is no mention of her name. where I can pretend that she does not exist. that she has no bearing on my life, or yours. That, that particular stitch in time was never sewn. And I will have it if it kills me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Labels...they exist, they are created, they are from outward and usually are not reflective of true matter...inside.

Talking and sharing ones desire takes trust...do you have it? Does it exist, yes but only to the level that YOU allow it.

That small space between oneself and others feels large but let someone in that space and feel the warmth created. To trust is hard. But with that space one will stay empty in many ways.

Let the labels fall, feel the truth which lies within, we know it, as you know it. They may be different by they may be just as simalar.